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Another Traveling Dream

October 1, 2010

My family, Best Friend, and I were all on a plane headed to Hawaii. But it wasn’t a normal airplane; it was a fancy one with swivel seats around the edge of the plane. Most of us had turned our seats to face the center of the plane, which was a wide-open space.

After we were all settled, one of our fellow passengers announced that his traveling companion was a mentally handicapped person who is prone to harming others. Not to worry, though, he said. This tendency is easily controlled when he smokes weed, which he was willing to share with the entire plane.

And this is how we scored the best flight ever to Hawaii.

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Seems a Bit Incestuous

September 29, 2010

My old therapist built herself a fancy house up on a hill, the house she always wanted, but it turns out that the builder built the house on the hill at the wrong angle so that when it was done she got none of the views she paid for. She was extremely disappointed and couldn’t decide whether or not to sell the house or to keep it.

I went to visit her at her house, and, while taking a dip in her pool, we made out.

Believed It Was True for a Minute Upon Waking

September 27, 2010

Boyfriend called me, and when I answered, he was in the middle of a sentence. I listened, and I gathered that he had accidentally conferenced me in to a conversation he was already having with another girl he’d met. He spoke of how crazy he was about her, and she mostly giggled. My heart broke.

After several minutes, he said, “Shit, I accidentally called Spring.” I wanted to stay on the line and hear what this girl might say about me and try to understand the extent of their involvement, but I was worried he would know I’d been listening, so I hung up.

Woke Up Crying

September 26, 2010

My brother and I took a trip somewhere, and we had planned on our mother picking us up when we arrived back home. When we arrived, she wasn’t there, and we waited and waited for her. After three or four hours, I finally gave her a call, but I had to use an airport phone and call her collect.

When I got her on the phone, she told me that she was late picking us up because she found out she had breast cancer while we were on our trip. It was so aggressive that she had to begin chemo immediately, which is what she had been doing. But now, fresh from her first course of chemo, she was on her way to get us.

I tried to get back to the area where my brother was to tell him mom was on the way, but it had been barricaded off. I went to the level above him and waved at him from a balcony, but he still didn’t see me. A friend who had been traveling with us saw me, though, and he motioned that he’d get my brother to me.

My mom arrived, and she and I waited for my brother together. The friend of ours sneaked him through a back stairwell. Finally, he arrived, and I grasped his hand because I was so sad about the news of our mother’s cancer. In that moment, an airport security guard stepped behind my brother and shot him in the head as I was still holding his hand. Apparently there had been an airport security threat, which was why the area was barricaded off, and they suspected my brother to be the terrorist, since he was sneaking through back stairwells.

Still holding his hand, I began screaming, “NO NO NO NO NO.”

One of the Worst Ways to Spend a Dream

September 3, 2010

The priest I used to work for at a large Episcopal church called me up and asked me to do a favor for him. It didn’t matter that I no longer work for him. I wasn’t surprised, because when I did work for him several years ago, he was always asking me to do outrageous things for him. I was not his secretary or his personal assistant, but I usually obliged him, because I liked him and my job was pretty easy.

He wanted me to run an errand out of state for him. So he found me a cheap one-way flight at the last minute , and I hurried off to the airport with just a small bag.

Once I got there, I was barely going to make my flight on time, but I could not figure out how to get to my gate. Every time a corridor was marked to take me there, it would end up being some back employees-only hallway, and it would inevitably lead to an exit of some sort.

At one point, I took what I thought was an escalator down, but as I was riding on it, I realized that it was actually a contraption for trams traveling sideways across the walls. I had to jump off the escalator and duck to keep from getting hit by one.

Competition for the Most Disturbing Dream Ever

August 10, 2010

I haven’t been writing here at all, but last night I had one of those dreams that I just had to get down SOMEWHERE, and since no one likes hearing about other people’s dreams, I thought this would be a fitting place.

I recently started a new job, and in my dream when I submitted my two weeks’ notice, I started my new job, editing at a continuing medical education company, immediately for a few weeks, and then came back to my old job at the ad agency to serve my two weeks.

While I was at the new job, the old job changed drastically. Apparently the ad agency turned into a medical education company as well, but we worked closely with hospitals. My job was to color in diagrams of surgical procedures with chalk (NOT crayons, as I found out after I’d already incorrectly done a few), and then submit ourselves to the operation to make sure that we’d colored the procedure correctly.

My first procedure was some sort of face operation, only I didn’t know about the second part of the job process, the part where I actually UNDERGO the procedure, until they began trying to put me under anesthetic. I said that I would not, under any circumstances, submit to the procedure, and how the hell was this legal? So one of my old coworkers took my place in the operation.

Then I shadowed another one of my coworkers as he underwent a routine procedure called a “left-right.” One team performed the operation on him as he was under an anesthetic while I performed it on myself while I was fully awake. The operation involved cutting a portion of the large intestine open and squeezing out what the surgeons referred to as “orchids,” which were huge locusts apparently living in the intestine.

I simply couldĀ  not believe that such a thing existed, no one had ever told me that enormous bugs live in our intestines and have to be removed periodically, and as soon as I saw the bugs emerge from my coworker’s intestine, I got frantic and began to squeeze the orchids out of my own intestine. I had to get them out.

Supposedly one of the withdrawal symptoms of quitting Lexapro is vivid dreams. I believe it.

Early Morning

May 13, 2010

I was visiting my boyfriend in Austin, and I realized that I forgot to shave.

You know, down there.